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A Short Story About Traveling Back in Time to Prevent a Tragedy

This is a short story about a teenager building a time machine. After losing their best friend in a traffic accident, the protagonist builds a time machine to try to go back and prevent his death.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bob's feedback:

"This feels like the beginning of a really interesting story. While it could end where it is, there are a lot of unanswered questions, especially about the significance of the ending. You build up the suspense by not giving away what happened to your friend immediately, but rather letting it unfold as the story progresses. However, you want to make sure that the story isn't so vague that your audience isn't able to piece together what is happening. There are some grammatical errors that need to be addressed, and verb tense is especially an issue as it shifts sometimes within the same sentence."

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