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A Short Story Writing Practice on Creating a Fearful Tone

In this piece of creative writing, a student tells a short story with a foreboding mood in a fearful tone. The student recounts a person's trip out into the woods one night to get a bucketful of water from a well.
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1
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368
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You've successfully told a story in a fearful tone that creates a foreboding mood. Your narrative would flow better though with the use of paragraphs to give the reader places to pause and take in your content. In addition, while you provide plenty of descriptions that add to your narrative's impact, your story does come off as a bit repetitive due to your reuse of certain phrases or words within a short span of sentences. For example, you say "towards the woods" in back-to-back sentences and use the word "sky" twice in a single sentence. Thus, varying up your vocabulary and recasting sentences would strengthen your story. Aside from that, you have a good command of writing conventions, so a final edit is recommended simply to address the few outstanding errors. In particular, your sentence that begins "Water splashes" definitely needs to be reworked."

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