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A Speech About Australian Nurses During World War I

This is a speech about Australian World War I nurses. The author went into detail about what the expectations of women were before the war (manage households, look after children, lower professional positions), what was expected of them once they became a nurse during the war (not allowed to be married, between the ages of 25-40), and what became of these nurses after the war (many still actively served, they paved the way for what nursing looks like today).
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jenn's feedback:

"You have done an excellent job communicating the purpose of your speech in your introduction and then aligning the body of the speech with the introduction. I do suggest that since this is a speech, that you read through it out loud and edit it in a way that makes it sound more conversational. There are several places throughout the speech where it sounds like you are just listing things.

While you have done a great job including factual information, I also suggest that you make sure to either not use terms that people might not know the meaning of or define what those terms mean. One example that stuck out to me was when you listed the military medals because no one in the audience would know the difference between them. Also, you use the phrase "lack of death" several times throughout your speech, but it is unclear what you mean by this.

You mentioned that you're supposed to be following APA style guidelines. Since this is a speech, I am not sure how much it matters. Still, typically in-text citations include the author's last name and year of publication. Then you would include the title of the work and other relevant information in a reference section. Last, there are some grammar and sentence structure issues throughout the text, many of them using the wrong tense. If you can read this out loud and catch these errors, that's great. If not, consider having someone else proofread the speech for you."

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