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My emotional anguish has become my physical pain Am I imagining these physical symptoms I am having Am I causing these symptoms How do I get rid of them How do I make others believe they really do exist On Friday night after the Knicks vs Nets basketball game in Madison Square Garden I was sitting next to my boyfriend on the L train staring into thin air He was talking to me I wasnt listening I managed to tune him out completely I was looking at all the people on the train trying to figure out what their stories were I wondered if some of them were truly as happy as they looked and if others were truly as depressed as they looked Then I became very aware of myself and that I could be being examined as I was examining them I tried to imagine what my face looked like at that very moment As I locked eyes with the woman sitting across from me I wondered what she saw when she looked at me I became very self-conscious I fidgeted I was nervous I looked at Jay and asked him how many stops we had left before we could disembark this wretched train This train was making me think of myself and who I was My face began to redden My hair began to stick to t he back of my neck My thin leather jacket was unbearably hot I couldnt take it anymore I took my cell phone out of my bag and realized I dont get any service on the subway The display on the phone said I had three messages Anxiety filled my body I began to shake my leg and twirl my hair with my finger I couldnt wait to get off that train to listen to my messages I knew one of them was from my dad His number was the last call I received according
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