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An Admission Essay About Commitment in Marriage

This is an admission essay that focuses on the author's devotion to their spouse. The essay tells the story of a brief courtship that resulted in a strong, committed relationship.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"This is certainly an interesting story and the part about the identity confusion is amusing. However, no matter how you frame your relationship, getting married after only knowing the other party for nine days may not come across well. Since this is an admission essay, it's entirely possible that the person reading it may conclude that you make impulsive decisions. I strongly suggest focusing on another topic or at least focusing on your commitment to your spouse rather than the unusually brief courtship.

Remember that an admission essay should be full of solid examples of the characteristics that make you a good candidate. Rather than focusing on the details of the narrative, you should make sure that all the information you provide paints a picture of your positive qualities. Once you have a draft that accomplishes this, make sure to have it proofread to address awkward sentences and grammatical errors."

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