1. Home

An Adventure in Pakistan with my Father

This personal narrative describes the writer’s trip with their father to Pakistan. It captures the long plane and taxi trek there, and the next morning before going to a bazaar.
PAGES
2
WORDS
617
  Cite
View Full Essay
About this essay
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley
Generating Preview...
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Christina's feedback:

"First and foremost, you did an amazing job on allowing the reader to take the trip with you. The sights, smells, and sounds you described made it that much more vivid, and the reader will be able to experience it all because you wrote it in such detail. You gave a good introduction that showed your relationship with your father, and it educated the reader on what they were about to read. When it comes to content, it seemed the story ended somewhat abruptly, as experiencing the bazaar with you would have been a wonderful experience for the reader, but it seemed to cut off without truly concluding, which is also an issue in the organization section of the paper. With formatting, the only issue I saw regarding MLA format is that on each page, on the top and right side, there should be your last name and the page number. Regarding conventions, the paper could benefit from a round of proofreading to address any punctuation issues."

Learn more about this feedback