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An Analysis of the Impact of Leadership on Student Performance

In this essay, several styles of leadership are identified. The student looks at how these styles affect education. The author argues that direct involvement by school administrators can have a noticeable impact on student performance.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bob's feedback:

"Your analysis of how leadership affects learning is thorough and often well-argued. However, the focus of the essay gets lost in a few places. First, your introduction focuses on three leaders who led resistance to oppression through nonviolent means. These create a very specific example that does not mesh with the more general discussion of leadership that follows. You jump straight into discussions of different styles of leadership without clearly defining what these styles entail. A definition of each, at the least, should be included at the beginning of each supporting paragraph. Many sentences are overly wordy, opting for flowery language rather than clarity. This is further compounded by a number of run-on sentences and non-sequiturs. A number of words are used incorrectly (see "exhaustive" in the first paragraph, for instance). There are a number of other errors in grammar and punctuation (use of commas is of particular note) that should be addressed by a proofreader. Finally, be sure to include a comprehensive conclusion that leaves your reader with the main takeaways of your paper and reinforces your thesis statement."

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