In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). "tomboys" and "sissies": concerns about gender stereotypes. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/tomboys-and-sissies-concerns-about-gender-stereotypes-6AT1u708
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Bob's feedback:
"You've approached an interesting and contentious issue, and you seem to be striving to cover a wide range of information. However, your essay struggles with clarity, focus, and credibility.
Your first two paragraphs meander quite a bit before getting to the main idea of your essay. The information in these paragraphs should be trimmed considerably. In particular, the discussion about who is affected more by television -- children or parents -- seems somewhat irrelevant, and your conclusion on this issue is unsupported.
It's unclear just what you're trying to say about gender roles. Are you advocating tolerance of deviations from what are seen as "traditional" norms? You differentiate between gender stereotypes and sexuality, yet your own discussion doesn't seem to focus on one or the other. Consider what you would like your paper to say in one sentence. That should be your thesis statement, and the rest of your paper should work toward supporting it.
Your essay will need a thorough round of editing. Aside from problems with clarity, transitions, and focus, there are a large number of grammatical errors. Make sure you are using accepted terminology as well (for example, referring to someone as "a gay" is not considered acceptable in an academic paper)."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). "tomboys" and "sissies": concerns about gender stereotypes. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/tomboys-and-sissies-concerns-about-gender-stereotypes-6AT1u708
In-text citation:
(""Tomboys" and "Sissies": Concerns About Gender Stereotypes.")
Works Cited entry:
""Tomboys" and "Sissies": Concerns About Gender Stereotypes." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/tomboys-and-sissies-concerns-about-gender-stereotypes-6AT1u708
Footnote:
1. ""Tomboys" and "Sissies": Concerns About Gender Stereotypes." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/tomboys-and-sissies-concerns-about-gender-stereotypes-6AT1u708.
Bibliography entry:
""Tomboys" and "Sissies": Concerns About Gender Stereotypes." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/tomboys-and-sissies-concerns-about-gender-stereotypes-6AT1u708.
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