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America: Home of the Competitive

In responding to whether the United States is too competitive, the student argues that current American society has started to push past healthy competition, resulting in a lack of civility and common sense. The student cites examples of vituperative political debates, useless products, and sports violence.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

america, political leadership
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bridget's feedback:

"This is a purposefully written and structured essay, and you do a good job in pairing each conceptual claim with specific examples. This really connects with the reader via logos and pathos.

There remains room to push the discussion to the next level by considering the frameworks for the examples of competition. To me, these all suggest competition over resources--what about you? The free market, consumerism, bread and circus... your reader wants to know what can explain all this, even if it's just speculation. Probing these elements further can also help enhance your final point--what does the "right" reason look like? Why has America been getting it wrong?"

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