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"You include some quotations to help provide pertinent information and back up your claims. I suggest you take a strong stance on whether you believe the attacks could have been prevented, as you seem to waver a bit in your concluding paragraph. (And I have to point out that the attacks occurred on September 11, 2001, not 2011, so I recommend editing to fact-check, as well, and revising as needed.) In addition, I recommend editing and proofreading for grammar and syntax, as well as ensuring that you consistently adhere to your formatting requirements."