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Word Count: 286
SIPPING VODKA A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done The monsignor replied When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass If I start to get nervous I take a sip So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink He proceeded to talk up a storm Upon his return to his office after mass he found the following note on the door 1 Sip the Vodka dont gulp 2 There are 10 commandments not 12 3 There are 12 disciples not 10 4 Jesus was consecrated not constipated 5 Jacob wagered his donkey he did not bet his ass 6 We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J C 7 The Father Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy Junior and the Spook 8 David slew Goliath he did not kick the shit out of him 9 When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey dont say he was stoned off his ass 10 We do not refer to the cross as the Big T 11 When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said Take this and eat it for it is my body He did not say Eat me 12 The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry 13 The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub yeah God 14 Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters not a peter pulling contest at St Taffys
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