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Every aspect of ourselves other than the Wildmind is relatively shallow trivial and unsatisfactory When we are at our most inspired and creative - those are the times when the surface has stilled and the Wildmind is becoming manifest It can be a source of tremendous self-confidence to know that there is a part of you that is untouched by anything you have ever done no matter how deluded and harmful that may have been When I was younger and had been trying to practice meditation and Buddhism for a little over a year I went on a four week intensive meditation retreat on which we spent about 8 hours a day meditating I say I had been trying to practice meditation and Buddhism but it would be more true to say that to a large extent I had been trying to convince others and perhaps even myself that I was practicing Buddhism At that time I felt very unsure of myself very insecure and I tried to compensate for this by adopting a persona which literally means mask of course This persona consisted of trying to appear very knowledgeable about Buddhism and trying to impress people with my intelligence I suppose what I wanted was for people to be impressed and therefore to like me Of course what actually happened was that I was a royal pain in the butt throwing my arrogant opinions around and being critical of everyone especially those who were far wiser than I and finding fault in everything Things happen when you meditate for eight hours a day day after day You are forced to face up to who you really are You try to run and hide - fall asleep get distracted in fantasy - but ultimately there is no avoiding that person with whom above all others you feel uncomfortable - your own self And I did not like my self
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