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Abortion Should Not Be Used as Family Planning

This opinion essay argues that abortion is murder and that teenagers should stop having premarital sex.
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2
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621
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your essay shows solid organization and structure, and your movement from one idea to the next is clear, with good signposting and other elements that help the reader follow the discussion. It's good to see reference to sources in this essay, but I encourage you to push this further: you seem to argue from the position of a Christian (or Catholic, para. 3)--delineating this clearly in the essay's opening and making reference to texts relevant to that particular mode of thinking will build up a solid position that transcends the rather vague references to religiosity. Parsing out the specifics of this stance becomes confusing when you recommend contraceptives, and your final sentence essentially says that God "should" view abortion as you do (likely a grammar issue).

Consider carefully your own rhetorical situation and how to best pitch your ideas to your audience. A reader may, for example, push back against the misogyny that characterizes your discussion of women--for example, in the "Lastly" paragraph, there is reference to mothers and one to "the parent." This should be clarified. A similar problem occurs with "teenagers"; note that your first sentence is entirely an appeal to emotions and imagination (pathos)--is it "frequent"? What does "frequent" clock in at? Use a sourced piece of data or evidence to create a hook that doesn't need to resort to fearmongering."

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