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An Argument against Animal Abuse

This essay gives opinions on methods of animal slaughter, hunting, and the use of animals in clothing and product testing.
PAGES
2
WORDS
458
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jim's feedback:

"This is a spirited essay, but the introduction takes place primarily in the second paragraph, and the last sentence should be a conclusion and not just part of the body. Informal expressions such as “a lot” should be avoided. Care should be taken that commas do not interrupt the flow of thought, such as in the third paragraph. Word repetition is tedious, a good example being a sentence in which the word “hunting” appears six times. Note that “overpopulated” is written as one word, the plural of “lynx” is “lynxes,” and “man-made” is hyphenated. A sentence toward the end of page 1 mixes tenses (“killed you so they can make”), and in the same sentence, “bigger” and “stronger” should be separated by a comma. The last paragraph starts with the testing of cosmetics and abruptly shifts to “important medicines.” This can confuse the reader. Some statements, such as those about the food chain, are made as if they are fact. These should cite authoritative work. Inferences such as that the student’s uncle became ill due to participation in a drug test should be identified as speculation unless causality has been proved."

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