In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). The active volcanoes of hawaii. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-hawaiian-island-volcanoes-and-their-eruptions-nXfYQ6OH
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Bridget's feedback:
"This is a solid essay that shows good control of the information, structure, and writing mechanics. Profiling each volcano works well to organize and focus the reader's attention. As you move into the final stages of the writing process, review your paragraphing, which becomes a little inconsistent in length later in the paper. The last few sentences of the introduction don't feel smoothly connected to the preceding discussion yet, so work a little with word choice, transitions, or order to create more flow there; I spot similar flow or movement issues here and there, so this will be an area to target.
This issue arises with the very last sentence, which feels tacked on as presented. Consider either expanding on that first person moment by exploring that final point about fear so it doesn't feel like an afterthought; another revision might see you blend together the final two sentences: "The idea of being stuck when a volcano erupts makes me think twice now about going on vacation there, but if not for these destructive volcanoes, we wouldn't have the beautiful island of Hawaii today." Note that I recommend changing up the order so the last words of the essay resume the more general and distant discussion to echo the approach of the majority of the essay (versus the last-minute introduction of the personal voice)."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). The active volcanoes of hawaii. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-hawaiian-island-volcanoes-and-their-eruptions-nXfYQ6OH
In-text citation:
("The Active Volcanoes of Hawaii.")
Works Cited entry:
"The Active Volcanoes of Hawaii." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-hawaiian-island-volcanoes-and-their-eruptions-nXfYQ6OH
Footnote:
1. "The Active Volcanoes of Hawaii." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-hawaiian-island-volcanoes-and-their-eruptions-nXfYQ6OH.
Bibliography entry:
"The Active Volcanoes of Hawaii." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-hawaiian-island-volcanoes-and-their-eruptions-nXfYQ6OH.
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