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DEEP THOUGHTS by Jack If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School I think one of the courses should be Laughing Then Jumping Off Something When youre riding in a time machine way far into the future dont stick your elbow out the window or itll turn into a fossil It takes a big man to cry but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man At first I thought if I were Superman a perfect secret identity would be Clark Kent Dentist because you could save money on tooth X-rays But then I thought if a patient said Hows my back tooth and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said Oh its okay then the patient would probably say Arent you going to take an X-ray stupid and youd say Aw censored you get outta here and then he probably wouldnt even pay his bill One thing kids like is to be tricked For instance I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse Oh no I said Disneyland burned down He cried and cried but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke I started to drive over to the real Disneyland but it was getting pretty late A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone Hear that you say Thats dynamite baby Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for better treatment Id ask for a pinball machine because with all that rocking back and forth youd probably be able to get a lot of free games Id like to be buried Indian-style where they put you up on a high rack above the ground That way you
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