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English is a crazy language Lets face it -- English is a crazy language There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger neither apple nor pine in pineapple English muffins werent invented in England nor French fries in France Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads which arent sweet are meat We take English for granted But if we explore its paradoxes we find that quicksand can work slowly boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig And why it is that writers write but fingers dont fing grocers dont groce and hammers dont ham If the plural of tooth is teeth why isnt the plural of booth beeth If you have one goose two geese why not one moose two meese or one index two indices Doesnt it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend or that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them what do you call it If teachers taught why didnt preachers praught If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat If you wrote a letter perhaps you bote your tongue Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital ship by truck and send cargo by ship have noses that run and feet that smell park on driveways and drive on parkways How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and wise guy are opposites and quite a lot and quite a few are alike How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another Have you noticed that we talk about certain things
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