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Aspiration: The Title of My Life Story

This is an admissions essay in which the author had to describe the title of their life story and why. The author chose the title "Aspiration" because it was a theme throughout their life. The author talks about how they always aspired to do greater things.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jenn's feedback:

"Starting your essay with the title you chose and providing an explanation of why draws the reader into your story. You go into great detail about each part of your life that you feel was a result of aspiration, which is also compelling. Consider making an effort to relate every life event you talk about to aspiration. You do this well in the paragraphs towards the beginning of the essay and towards the end, but the effort to make the relationship clear seems to be missing in the middle. There are a significant number of grammar and sentence structure errors that detract from the potential power of the essay. Make sure to resolve these through a round of proofreading. There are also a couple of places in the essay where thoughts do not seem complete. The most noticeable example is when you discuss being ranked fourth. It is not clear what the ranking is related to. What category were you ranked fourth in?"

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