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Australia's Involvement in World War II

In this informative essay, the study write about Australia's involvement in World War II. Specifically, the student addresses how Australia first entered the war, the various battles it took part in, and ultimate consequences and outcomes of the country's involvement.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Crystal's feedback:

"You've done a great job with the depth of detail throughout your essay that details Australia's involvement in WWII, from how it first entered the war and the how Australian forces prevented an invasion. However, there are three key areas you could strengthen your essay. First, regarding the organization and focus--the two biggest areas--your intro doesn't end with a clear statement outlining the full scope of your essay. Using a more detailed thesis statement that broadly details Australia's entrance into the war, the various battles, and the consequences/outcomes of its involvement would be great. Then, your body paragraphs should be more clearly defined in the first sentence of each; your second body paragraph has a GREAT topic sentence, so you could use that as inspiration for the others. Having a short conclusion that's a separate paragraph would also be ideal. Your final paragraph currently covers a lot of ground, and no new info should be added into the conclusion. Instead, it should summarize and synthesize your main points about Australia's involvement in the war. Second, your in-text citations do not align with APA formatting, which uses author and publication date. Third, there are quite a few comma and semicolon errors throughout, as well as some spots with awkward phrasing, and ideally, contractions and exclamation points should be avoided in formal/academic writing. You have a ton of solid info in place with, again, good depth of detail, so addressing the three areas I detailed above would improve the cohesion and strength of your essay."

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