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Beyond Blame Part I Jeffrey Kottlers Beyond Blame is subtitled A New Way of Resolving Conflicts in Relationships and attempts to present just that a way of examining ones day to day conflicts with others and to find a means of either resolving or circumventing them He starts with a discussion of his own personal conflicts of this sort and as a result observes that the thread running through most of them is first that they show a tendency to concentrate on the other persons role in obstructing my goals and that in addition The focus most of my energy is on trying to place blame on other people on things outside of my control rather than addressing what I am or could be doing to resolve disputes and reach my stated objectives Page 3 This sets the tone of the rest of the book and explains the significance of its title To abandon this seeking blame and focus outside of what one can control outside of oneself promises to be a better way of dealing with conflicts than the usual methods people use It in part involves finding out what it is that is a constant factor in the day to day disputes one undergoes The book itself proceeds to find this out and in the next chapter titled Identifying What Sets You Off he tries to outline two steps that can be taken to develop a format for resolving disputes when they can be resolved The first step is to find out who bugs you and why This may involve those who dont appreciate you or try to be possessive and violate your privacy or are abusive and manipulative etc the next step concerns what is in others that triggers a hostile response on your part such as their questioning your competence arousing fears concerning intimacy etc Others may also be hostile to you in turn because they dont know what to
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