Blood Donations and Its Positive Impacts in Saving Millions of Lives

Jenn's feedback:

"Throughout the essay, you have a provided a lot of good evidence to support your position on blood donation. Your essay is neatly formatted, helping ease readability. There are a significant number of grammatical errors in the essay detracting from the power of your message. The evidence you have presented is also not in a cohesive manner and some of it creates confusion. The most noticeable place that this occurs is when you start talking about people's weight. It become unclear whether you are persuading people to donate blood or whether you are persuading them to take better care of themselves. There needs to be some focus. Another place where this is noticeable is when you introduce the story of the baby. This might be better suited toward the beginning of the essay to grab readers' attention. There are many areas in the essay where you use conversational language rather than scholarly language which also detracts from your message. Since there is so much evidence presented, there should be citations all throughout your essay. Make sure that you properly cite any information that you obtained from other sources so that you can avoid plagiarism issues. "

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