Cultural Deviancy as a Social Tool in Hmong and Inuit Community Structures

Bridget's feedback:

"You've done a great job crafting a robust exploration of deviancy, with the two groups as case studies. Overall the argumentation, claims, use of evidence, and larger organization are operating really well, so my main observations will be more detail oriented with the goal of getting toward a polished, streamlined final product.

In terms of mechanics, I noticed frequent issues with comma splices. Reading aloud and pausing to "hear" the comma's effect is one strategy--anything that sounds awkward is then worth following up on using a good comma rules resource. A general proofread will also catch other occasional mechanical issues. I also want to recommend some streamlining at both the prose-level and in some areas of presentation. Regarding the latter, one example is the repeated description of how adultery is dealt with (bottom line of page 4). Likewise, the paper takes a few sentences to get going; I would start with cutting the very first sentence: you will be showing us how interesting the concept is--no need to use an opening sentence to alert us. In terms of streamlining on the level of diction and syntax, I suggest keeping an eye out for moments where trimming words may create more impact, particularly when it is not the main focus. To take another example from the opening paragraph, the third and fourth sentences could easily be combined into one without losing meaning: "For example, in western, American society, the middle finger has been long regarded as a symbol of offense and [an expression of] disdain. However, if I were to travel to Ghana..." (the bracketed text could also be cut). Read through the paper for other moments where you can distill the most important points into more succinct expressions--this will facilitate readability, flow, and focus."

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