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Democracy in America: How Local Social Organizations Shape Democratic Citizens

This persuasive historical essay responds to Alexis de Tocqueville's claim that local and political associations serve as "schools" in the development of democratic citizens. The student agrees, citing local participation and social interaction as key to creating qualities of empathy in the otherwise highly individualistic American tradition.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Bridget's feedback:

"Your discussion immediately and directly addresses the prompt, bolstering the main claims with solid examples and details. Overall, this essay shows good control over the concepts and subject. My main recommendation is to work with the current draft on the sentence- and word-level, eliminating redundancy and streamlining the syntax. I notice a number of adjacent sentences that could be fused into a single, more efficient statement. As a model, for example, perhaps your opening sentence could be streamlined in the following ways: "Political and civil associations, serving different purposes, have nurtured Americans as democratic citizens in different ways," or, even more succinctly: "Political and civil associations have nurtured Americans as democratic citizens in different ways." Further edits could bring down the word count and create punchier, more focused statements, which will also help alleviate the rather dense paragraphs; this can also be addressed by double-spacing, if your style guide allows it. These steps will ensure reader attention and readability."

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