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Education Should Focus On Learning and Not Career Preparation

This essay proposes that an education system should not focus on career preparation, but rather should foster the love of learning and enable students to make a difference in the world.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jim's feedback:

"This is an interesting and timely essay. Regarding your main point, you've provided anecdotal evidence, but nothing foundational. The fact that Steve Jobs took an unusual path and prospered does not show that the education system should function as you propose. It would be interesting to see the outcomes of studies of outcomes of different systems of education.

Your essay would be stronger with some corrections to capitalization, sentence structure, and punctuation. Note that you arbitrarily capitalize "A" in the Einstein quote. You place an extra period after the first sentence in paragraph 2. In the next sentence, you should place a comma when you close the quote. Note that your last sentence in that paragraph is somewhat long, and it repeats much of the last sentence in the previous paragraph. It will better make your point if brief and punchy, or perhaps the quote makes the point on its own. Similarly, the second sentence in the third paragraph is quite long and complex. You always drive a point home better with brief, powerful statements. Note also that that sentence is not complete because you start with "Meaning." You can correct that by connecting it to the preceding sentence with a comma. You should hyphenate "premed;" note that this word appears in an incomplete sentence, and you need to insert a space before the open quote. You say that Jobs is the cofounder (which needs no hyphen) of Apple technologies. I believe it was "Apple Computer," and today it is Apple Inc. But it never was "Apple technologies." Note also that you say Jobs is the cofounder. No, he "was" the cofounder. The possessive of "Jobs" can be written as "Jobs'" or "Jobs's," depending on the style, but it is not "Job's.""

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