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Finding My Place: Why Maryville University Is Right for Me

This admissions essay explains why the unique teaching style and the community of Maryville University make it the best school for the author to reach their goals.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Iva's feedback:

"You do a great job of explaining how two different aspects of Maryville University -- the teaching style and the atmosphere ("feeling at home away from home") -- make the school an ideal place for you to reach your goals of both studying forensic science and helping to build inclusive communities for those who may feel excluded. However, your explanations lose some of their strength as a result of the way in which they are organized. Specifically, even though you separate your academic and personal goals into two distinct sections, you jump between topics within those sections. For example, in the section of your essay on forensic science, you go from talking about your internship and what it showed you about Maryville's community to stating your thesis statement (the two main reasons why you want to attend Maryville) to discussing academics at Maryville to praising the ways in Maryville meets both your academic and personal needs. While your internship at the school is clearly an important experience to discuss, is there an anecdote from it (ideally one that shows both the academics and community of Maryville) that you could recount and then tie to your thesis? That way, it is clear from the start that your essay will focus on both the unique teaching style and the university community as draws for you and leave plenty of room for you to discuss those two characteristics in more depth (and work in more anecdotes from your internship). Finally, you do not need to capitalize "forensic science" and "criminal justice" as you are not writing out the full official names of the departments."

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