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Flight From Brazil: A Short Story

This is a short fictional story about fleeing Brazil to escape involvement in a criminal gang.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"This story creates a lot of tension and keeps the reader engaged. However, your reader is likely to expect a payoff that doesn't end up coming. The reason for the narrator's flight is mysterious, and the reader will expect it to be revealed by the end of the story, but other than being a gang member, there is no indication why they are fleeing.

Likewise, there is little conflict in the present timeline of the story. The narrator is racing against time, but nothing happens to indicate that this race may be lost.

There are a handful of errors (besides the issues with verb tense) that should be cleared up. Jumping between present and past tense can be tricky, so be careful. There are several instances of the wrong tense being used. You should identify a main timeline that uses the present tense and make sure you stick to that tense for that timeline."

Learn more about this feedback