Fortinbras: The True Picture of a Leader in Shakespeare's Hamlet

Iva's feedback:

"You choose effective quotes from the play to back up the claims you make in establishing the Fortinbras is a better leader than Hamlet. Only small changes to how these quotes are integrated are needed in order to strengthen your response. Specifically, while your signal phrases do a good job of providing context for and hinting at the significance of the first and second quotes you introduce, the signal phrase for your third quote is a little weaker. For the first two, you use leading phrases such as "he claims", while you just launch into the quote for the third, making it seem like it is a continuation of your words when the mashing together of your words and the quote do not actually make sense or flow well. As such, using the first two as a guide, you can spruce up your third quote so that it also smoothly fits into the paper. Similarly, the sentences that follow and explain your quotes are effective but not as strong as they could be. The addition I would recommend is adding a comparison to Hamlet--something you do with the third quote. By showing the shortcomings Hamlet has that Fortinbras doesn't, you emphasize your point that Fortinbras is the better leader. On an additional note, there is a slight mismatch between your thesis statement and your closing sentence. In the thesis, you define Fortinbras as the epitome of leadership while, in your concluding sentence, you emphasize Fortinbras's superiority to Hamlet. As the body of your paragraph seems to better support your conclusion, I would recommend reshaping your thesis to emphasize the contrast between the two men as leaders. Finally, to adhere to MLA standards, make sure to italicize Hamlet and to avoid punctuation at the end of the direct quotes you use (punctuation should follow the parenthetical citation only; it should not come before the closing quotation marks)."

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