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From Behind the Scenes to Center Stage

This admission statement details how, through joining their high school's theatre company, the once silent author found their voice and confidence.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Iva's feedback:

"You have such a natural writing voice; it feels as if I am listening to you tell me the story rather than reading it on a screen! This is complemented by strong, well-organized content. The details you provide about your journey towards confidence with your theatre company are abundant but never feel excessive. The chronological order in which you tell your story, complete with overviews of the experiences you had and lessons you learned at each stage, is also a strong choice. The two changes I would like to see are a stronger conclusion and removal of the single-sentence paragraphs because they read more as continuations of the paragraphs that they follow rather than as specific standalone ideas that need their own paragraphs. In regards to the conclusion, it's not necessary for you to build on the one sentence you currently have. Instead, you can combine it with the paragraph about you running for secretary. Specifically, the last sentence of that paragraph and the two single-sentence paragraphs that follow it are all related and can be combined to create a closing sentence (or maybe two) that packs a punch and emphasizes what your theatre experience provided for you. In making that combination, you would eliminate two of your three single-sentence paragraphs and would only be left with the one at the start of your essay, which can just be appended to the end of the first paragraph and make perfect sense."

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