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Governments Should Spend More on Arts Than Athletics

In this response to a TOEFL question, a student considers whether governments should spend more money in support of the arts than athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. The student argues that governments should invest more in the arts because they can improve overall quality of life for citizens and protect local cultures.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You do a good job of taking a stance on the issue and consistently arguing your position throughout the essay. Your paragraphing decisions also make sense, but your essay would look neater if the first line of each paragraph was consistently indented by half an inch. In academic writing, the word “and” should consistently be used before the last item in a list, and generally, it’s a good idea to avoid ending a list with “and so on” or “etc.” These phrases leave the reader to fill in the blanks and could lead someone to make false assumptions. Moreover, the reader may get the misguided impression that you’ve used a phrase such as “and so on” out of laziness. Misspelled words include “anergy” instead of “energy” and “opporners” instead of “opponents.” There’s a word choice problem with the use of “motivates,” and the sentences that begin “However, if people” and “Japan motivates the” are especially awkward and should be recast for clarity."

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