How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students

In this informative essay, a student details why attention is important for students. The writer shares ideas for improving attention and information about reasons students may struggle to focus in class and other contexts.

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Erin's feedback:

"You make some important claims in your essay, and you back those up with a lot of evidence from outside sources, which is great to see. However, using a quotation at the end of a paragraph without really expanding on its ideas or "responding" to it is perhaps not the most effective way to use those quotations. It's a little unsatisfying to readers, especially when the quotation introduces new information. To improve that, consider what each quotation adds to your paper and see if you can offer some original commentary. I would also advise working on signal phrases that help to introduce quotations, too, such as "According to [source]...."

I would also make sure that you're clearly laying out your thesis in the first paragraph. The first sentence of your second paragraph seems to be your main idea since it focuses on why attention is essential to students, so consider some reorganization to introduce that idea a little earlier.

Finally, I would advise some general reorganization to make sure that similar ideas are grouped together in your essay. For instance, all of the points related to improving attention should be in the same section of the paper. Rounding out your essay with a strong conclusion that reiterates the importance of your thesis and the implications of your ideas will bring it to a satisfying end; currently, you end rather abruptly."

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In-text citation:

(Kibin, 2023)

Reference list entry:

Kibin. (2023). How attention (or a lack of it) affects students. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-attention-or-a-lack-of-it-affects-students-EOgQ8v1F

Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.

In-text citation:

("How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students.")

Works Cited entry:

"How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-attention-or-a-lack-of-it-affects-students-EOgQ8v1F

Footnote:

1. "How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-attention-or-a-lack-of-it-affects-students-EOgQ8v1F.

Bibliography entry:

"How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/how-attention-or-a-lack-of-it-affects-students-EOgQ8v1F.