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How Attention (or a Lack of It) Affects Students

In this informative essay, a student details why attention is important for students. The writer shares ideas for improving attention and information about reasons students may struggle to focus in class and other contexts.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Erin's feedback:

"You make some important claims in your essay, and you back those up with a lot of evidence from outside sources, which is great to see. However, using a quotation at the end of a paragraph without really expanding on its ideas or "responding" to it is perhaps not the most effective way to use those quotations. It's a little unsatisfying to readers, especially when the quotation introduces new information. To improve that, consider what each quotation adds to your paper and see if you can offer some original commentary. I would also advise working on signal phrases that help to introduce quotations, too, such as "According to [source]...."

I would also make sure that you're clearly laying out your thesis in the first paragraph. The first sentence of your second paragraph seems to be your main idea since it focuses on why attention is essential to students, so consider some reorganization to introduce that idea a little earlier.

Finally, I would advise some general reorganization to make sure that similar ideas are grouped together in your essay. For instance, all of the points related to improving attention should be in the same section of the paper. Rounding out your essay with a strong conclusion that reiterates the importance of your thesis and the implications of your ideas will bring it to a satisfying end; currently, you end rather abruptly."

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