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How Exploring the Oceans Can Ensure Future Generations' Quality of Life on Earth

This persuasive essay argues that the next frontier of human exploration should be Earth's oceans, citing the potential for medical advancements, the presence of raw materials, and the need to address pollution.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This is off to a good start! Your thesis is in place, you use signposting and transition phrases to move your reader through the ideas, and you've oriented your argument around specific examples. Your introduction is clear--however, the paper ends abruptly with what feels like a body paragraph ("Secondly, it would..."). Mirror that strong opening with a strong, clear concluding paragraph. This helps wrap things up for your reader and helps them understand the key takeaways. Related, I suggest using three body paragraphs. Right now, you cover sea pollution and medicine. The example of "find[ing] materials" seems to be briefly addressed when referencing HIV treatment, but this double-dips into the medicine discussion. Because finding materials is included in your thesis statement, you can create a balanced essay by using a full paragraph to address this topic as well. Moving on to the writing itself, you have a good sense of flow and your enthusiasm for the ideas really comes through--this creates a connection with your reader. Make sure your word choice helps clarity: I noticed in particular a few uses of the pronoun "It" ("...it provides 70 percent") where the reader might not follow what "it" refers to. Being specific helps guide your reader and controls how the information is delivered. Finally, make sure to properly cite all sources. "According to research" (para. 2) doesn't create credibility--the reader will want to know who gathered this data and how up-to-date it is."

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