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How I Developed a Fear of Elevators

In this personal narrative, a student talks about her fear of elevators. The student explains how she developed this fear after an incident when she was young and got her hand stuck in an elevator door.
PAGES
3
WORDS
710
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You present a compelling narrative to explain why you have a fear of elevators. Your unique tone as a writer comes through in the work and helps the reader understand how much the elevator incident you describe has affected you. Completing a revision to take care of writing convention errors will strengthen the quality of your work. For example, the term "death machine" does not need to be hyphenated, and your word choice should be double-checked with "descend." If you were taking the elevator down, then "descent" would be appropriate. Chances are, though, that you were taking the elevator up, in which case "ascent" would be the word you're looking for. There are a number of run-on sentences that should be recast to improve the flow of your narrative. In terms of MLA style, your page number heading should be formatted in the same font type and size as your main body text."

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