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How I Passed the English Entrance Exam of My City's Gifted High School

This admissions essay describes an academic achievement and what it took to accomplish the achievement. The student identifies the achievement of passing a school-entrance exam, details the specific steps taken to prepare for the exam, and reflects on what lesson was ultimately learned through the achievement.
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This essay received an A by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received an A by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Crystal's feedback:

"You did an excellent job detailing the achievement. You immediately identified the achievement and nicely framed the context of what motivated you to take the exam and how you were motivated by your initial failure. You also provided an excellent depth of detail to show how you specifically prepared to take and pass the exam and how it ultimately motivated you to set other goals. This nicely highlights the takeaway of the experience and reveals a lot about you to the admissions committee. Aside from the content, you also did a great job with diction, grammar, and punctuation. One thing that would further strengthen your response, however, is shifting what you currently have as the second sentence in your intro to your concluding paragraph instead. It's not necessarily wrong in its current position--and your overall flow otherwise is really smooth--but placing that detail in the conclusion would make it have more impact because it would be more likely to make a lasting impression in the final lines than at the beginning. You might also consider changing the lead-in to your last paragraph. "Finally" read a little awkwardly there; instead, something like "My efforts eventually paid off" would have smoother flow. Overall, though, those are relatively minor changes. You did a fantastic job appropriately addressing the prompt."

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