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How My Faith in God and Fear of Failure Keep Me Motivated

In this reflective essay, a student thinks about what it means to be motivated and what motivates people to do their best. The student provides a brief overview of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and cites her faith in God as a big part of her success.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You do a good job incorporating various quotes from notable figures and established theories such as Maslow's hierarchy of needs into your essay. However, your work would end on a more satisfying note for the reader if you concluded with your own thoughts instead of a quote from someone else. Moreover, while you clearly keep the focus on the topic of motivation throughout the essay, you could better address the prompt if you provided specific observations or experiences to demonstrate how goal setting and making specific plans to achieve a goal can help keep a person motivated. At the moment, you mention these strategies as key components in staying motivated but then switch to talking about how in tough times your faith in God has helped you achieve your goals. Did you only pray and keep your faith in order to realize success? Or did you take specific actions while also maintaining your faith in order to stay motivated? There are a few writing convention errors that should be addressed with a final edit of the work. While you demonstrate your understanding of how to use the semicolon correctly, in practice, it is a punctuation mark that is meant to show a close relationship between two statements and thus should be used sparingly. Using the semicolon in six sentences in a row is not recommended; depending on the context, using even one semicolon per paragraph can be distracting to the reader."

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