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How My Grandfather's Life and Death Taught Me How to Live

This personal narrative essay describes the impact the student's grandfather had on the way she thinks and takes personal and community action. The discussion of this impact is combined with a narrative of the grandfather's cancer diagnosis.
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This essay received an A by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received an A by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Well done. Your writing is clear, moving, and flows well. The use of italicized passages and in-scene moments really creates the mood and movement of time. I would recommend proofreading and editing for minor mechanical issues (punctuation, and commas in particular), as well as some awkward phrasing here and there in the writing; for example, "I learned that facing difficulty is not referring to..., but it is referring to..." is ultimately clear, but a little bit clunky. Smooth out the syntax and diction so your reader doesn't get distracted from the overall flow of the narrative. As a final comment, I noticed some references to challenges in the community, "the cause," and, at the end, some statements toward future community action. Is this a major element in the prompt? If so, I would suggest more specificity. What are the challenges, the cause? Do you have any specific actions or plans that you can reveal in the final paragraph? A few specifics as you go will help flesh this out and widen the vision and discussion while keeping the focus on the person and event of the narrative."

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