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A Speech Discussing How Social Media Usage Hurts Teens

This argumentative speech essay examines the negative impact of social media on teens. The student notes cyberbullying, addiction to social media, and the misleading nature of online accounts as reasons that social media is harmful for teenagers.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

K's feedback:

"Your main idea is very clearly stated. It's great that you have picked such an important topic. You also consistently support this idea throughout the essay with evidence. It seems that this is the text for a speech. While the language used for speaking is usually less formal than that for writing, the informal and sometimes vague language in this essay detracts from your message. Please replace words like "kids", "good", and "bad" with more formal or concise terms like "children", "positive", and "negative" (respectively). There is some repetition here, as well ("terrible"), that weakens your message. By removing some of these unnecessary words and replacing others with better choices, you can improve how the reader understands your ideas. (A thesaurus can help!) You clearly cite where you obtained your information about teens and cyberbullying. Please include more of these types of references, since they show that you have a solid understanding of the current data about this topic. This essay is very easy to read. You may want to provide more support for some of your ideas to create a stronger impact. For example, in your third paragraph, you start off with some great questions that make the reader think. However, these ideas need to be further developed. For example, you should include more information about teen social media addiction before transitioning to FOMO. While your first paragraph is a great start, the final paragraph should be revised to improve its flow and impact."

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