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I Am Iron Man: Finding My Heroic Qualities to Understand My Future

This personal essay uses the character of Tony Stark (Iron Man) to explore how regular people possess heroic qualities of determination and selflessness. The student compares the idea of evolving into a hero to their experiences with moving to a new country, illness in the family, and maturing.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This essay has a lot of voice and personality: your reader feels like they are getting to know you over the course of the writing. Using Tony Stark to define heroes and heroic qualities in "regular" people sets up a great framework for the personal essay format. I do notice a number of typos or errors--a careful proofread should catch these. Watch out for spelling typos and punctuation errors.

Overall, you do a good job giving specific examples and details, but there are a few moments in the first half, when the reader is still finding their feet, that could bear more specific language to "place" the reader in the situations. For example, when you write "Moving indicated having to... learn a new language," I wasn't at first sure if this referred to your specific situation or was a general example. If it's specific to you, you might tell us what new language you had to learn by adding a word or two to the existing sentence. Related, I suggest telling your reader who Tony Stark is in the first paragraph and clarifying the reference to "imprisonment" toward the end of the second paragraph (though this may depend on audience--from a rhetorical point of view, think about if you can expect your audience to know the story and characters)."

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