Imagery and Parallelism in Chapter 5 of Frederick Douglass's Memoir

Crystal's feedback:

"Excellent job incorporating quotes from Chapter 5 and analyzing the rhetorical devices that Douglass used! Your analysis points are well-reasoned overall, and you do a nice job engaging with the quotes to flush out the analysis. You also have a clear thesis statement to frame things right away (though it would be even stronger if you can work in the detail about the solemn tone, Douglas’s credibility/use of ethos, and your broader point currently at the end of the essay). While those aspects of your content development shine, several other elements of your essay could be strengthened. First, the transitioning is a little rough in a couple places (between first two sentences, when shifting to a new quote to analyze it); consider adding transitional elements to better lead the reader through your analysis. Second, there are quite a few grammar and punctuation errors, and spots with awkward or unclear phrasing throughout (e.g.., some pronouns are unclear, run-on sentences, comma splices, awkward placement of “through shock” in the first sentence); consider doing a thorough edit to address those elements as they would improve both the readability and the writing mechanics. You might also consider using the book's title (Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave) in your thesis statement. Third, you use “we” in the editorial/royal sense where it’s not referring to a specific group that includes you; instead, you should maintain the third-person POV. Fourth, there is not a clear conclusion; your current closing lines introduce new information. Ideally, your concluding segment should be a summary and synthesis of the points you discuss throughout the essay; no new information should be added at that point. Your current closing lines almost seem like a third point to analyze the rhetoric rather than your concluding thoughts. Consider adding a few wrap-up sentences to create a more effective conclusion element. You might even consider, depending on your assignment guidelines, breaking the content into paragraphs with topic sentences to better create a clear essay structure. Finally, your MLA citations have some errors with the placement of periods, so make sure to address that. Again, overall, your analysis points work well and I love how nicely you engage with the quotes, so touching up the areas outlined above would build off those strengths."

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