Industrial and Social Advances of the 1920s in Canada

Monika's feedback:

"The arguments presented here are very strong - it's clear that you have a complete understanding of the assignment, and it's easy for the reader to follow along with your arguments and see why and how you reached your conclusion. While the content of each argument is good, I think it could be strengthened by citing more specific examples. For instance, you mention that "the development of automobiles made major strides in the 1920s" and that women in Canada gained the right to vote in the 1920s, but both of these points would be greatly bolstered by providing specific facts from a cited source. In addition, whenever you include information that you found through research, it needs to be cited, even if you're not using direct quotes. There are many sources listed in your bibliography, but these sources should be cited in the text as well (and if you did not use the sources, they should be removed from the bibliography). I would also suggest reviewing an MLA style guide in order to make sure your in-text citations and works cited page are accurately formatted. Your introduction and conclusion are good, as is the presentation of your arguments, but I think that your first argument is made a bit weaker by combining "pop culture" and "technological advances." The paragraph for this argument focuses on the technological advances, and I would suggest either removing the pop culture from the argument altogether or developing pop culture as its own argument. I also noticed a couple of repetitive transitions - for example, your final sentence of the last paragraph before the conclusion begins with "Therefore," and so does the first sentence of the conclusion. I would do another read-through just to make sure there's some variety in your transitions. Ultimately, the main issue which at times distracted me from the content of your arguments is the presence of some grammatical issues and typos. This paper could benefit from a round of proofreading to catch these mistakes. Your arguments are strong, and a polished paper free of grammar and spelling errors will help to show that off!"

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