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Is a Higher Degree Necessary for Professional Success?

This pros/cons essay considers the impact of foregoing postsecondary education for a more direct career path. The student overviews the benefits and risks of finishing studies versus autodidacticism, then describes how their personal experience as a university graduate, with the benefits of time for learning and networking, makes them advise getting a degree.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your essay has a sound organization and structure that guides the reader through the discussion; at each point, the reader knows "where" they are in the logic and how each idea relates back to the thesis. Overall, you show good control of the essay form and argumentation. My only comment regarding these higher-order concerns is to consider a cons statement at the end of your third paragraph (second body paragraph), explaining the downsides of foregoing a higher degree. You do this in the paragraph above ("However, this path can be expensive..."), so you can use that as a model; make sure it doesn't overlap with the "As a university graduate..." paragraph by focusing on the broadest con/downside before moving on to the specific personal opinion of that next paragraph.

The main work to move toward a higher mark will be in the lower-order concerns of writing mechanics. You have a good sense of flow, pacing, and syntax, so I recommend a focus on more precise word choice. Watch out for awkward diction and typos that change the word and render the meaning unclear (to take a few examples from the first paragraph: "word" is possibly "world", "comport" might be "comfort"--?).

I also encourage you to revise locally for more efficient phrasing. Let's workshop the first sentence as an example: "A post-secondary degree has always been considered the most reliable path to success." As you can see, we've swapped out the wordier "It has always been the norm" for "has always been considered...", we also can use "path" to set up the parallel with the second sentence's "other paths"--essentially, all small edits or adjustments to keep refining style for a more efficient reading experience."

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