In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Lgbt education should be included in the modern school curriculum. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/lgbt-education-should-be-included-in-the-modern-school-curriculum-xNfxcEAU
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Crystal's feedback:
"Nice job introducing the state of education today and why inclusion is important for LGBT students. You have a clear thesis, but the key arguments for including LGBT education (and how) and perhaps the resistance to it should be incorporated. You do nicely incorporate/rebut the counterarguments in the body paragraphs. Having a stronger hook and tightening up your intro a bit would also be ideal. Some additional things to look out for are awkward paragraphing/line spacing, inconsistent formatting across references, putting periods after parenthetical citations, and gaps in logic/lack of clarity (e.g., "These rates have only continued through LGBT and curriculum…" is awkward/unclear). More engagement and analysis around some of the earlier quotes would beef up the support for your arguments, and consider not including the full name of every resource in sentences; citations will point readers to your reference list. Also make sure to watch for POV shifts (esp. avoiding editorial use of "we,” etc.), spots with awkward or missing words, misspelled words ( e.g., "society as hole" should be "society as a whole"), and general comma use/sentence structures (e.g., "Because most people believe that...'" is a sentence fragment). Finally, your abstract should give a comprehensive summary rather than be an intro-like statement."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Lgbt education should be included in the modern school curriculum. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/lgbt-education-should-be-included-in-the-modern-school-curriculum-xNfxcEAU
In-text citation:
("LGBT Education Should Be Included in the Modern School Curriculum.")
Works Cited entry:
"LGBT Education Should Be Included in the Modern School Curriculum." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/lgbt-education-should-be-included-in-the-modern-school-curriculum-xNfxcEAU
Footnote:
1. "LGBT Education Should Be Included in the Modern School Curriculum." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/lgbt-education-should-be-included-in-the-modern-school-curriculum-xNfxcEAU.
Bibliography entry:
"LGBT Education Should Be Included in the Modern School Curriculum." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/lgbt-education-should-be-included-in-the-modern-school-curriculum-xNfxcEAU.
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