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"You are off to a good start, and the reader easily sees your familiarity with the biblical texts and your ability to synthesize that material into the discussion. The broad contours of your structure are solid on the page and will provide a good framework as you head into the next set of tasks.
This draft currently runs into a number of clarity issues. These occur on a few levels that will demand finetuning the language and diction. First, it becomes difficult to track when you are discussing the first century versus the twenty-first century. This may either be a task for organization (including what order you present information on each) or of language, where you develop further the use of signposting and clear labels in the discussion. Logical presentation of information also runs into a few hiccups more generally: keep your reader's experience in mind--remember that you are helping them build up their knowledge so they can arrive with you at the conclusion. To give one example, early in the essay you introduce the concept of "lukewarm" and describe the Laodicean Church as "nauseating"; only later do you provide the quotation that explains this otherwise odd word choice. Help the reader out by equipping them with all the tools (in this case, Rev 3:15-16) to understand your points.
Second and related, frequent awkward diction (beyond the KJV-related language) acts as a barrier to reader comprehension. Aim for precision and clarity as you revise. Correcting punctuation via a proofread will also help with this: for example, use a colon and semicolons in the last sentence of the first paragraph to clarify the list and amend the current presence of sentence fragments."
Kibin. (2023). Millennialist views on the parallels between the laodicean church and christians today. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/millennialist-views-on-the-parallels-between-the-laodicean-church-and-christians-today-p8SOsra8
Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.
("Millennialist Views on the Parallels between the Laodicean Church and Christians Today.")
Works Cited entry:
"Millennialist Views on the Parallels between the Laodicean Church and Christians Today." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/millennialist-views-on-the-parallels-between-the-laodicean-church-and-christians-today-p8SOsra8
1. "Millennialist Views on the Parallels between the Laodicean Church and Christians Today." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/millennialist-views-on-the-parallels-between-the-laodicean-church-and-christians-today-p8SOsra8.
"Millennialist Views on the Parallels between the Laodicean Church and Christians Today." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/millennialist-views-on-the-parallels-between-the-laodicean-church-and-christians-today-p8SOsra8.
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