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My Dad and My Type 1 Diabetes Diagnosis

In this hero essay, a student talks about how her father is her hero because he demanded that doctors test her for diabetes when she was young. The student explains how this decision helped save her life and how her family learned to cope with her diagnosis.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You provide an engaging explanation of why your father is your hero, and you do a good job of describing how your family learned to cope with your diagnosis after they found out that you have type 1 diabetes. Because the main focus of your essay is your father, consider combining your first two paragraphs and cutting out some content since you open with very general comments on what makes a person a hero. By shortening this part of your introduction, you can move the reader's focus more cleanly to your personal narrative and why you consider your father your hero. In terms of writing conventions, there are a number of run-on sentences in the work. Recasting these sentences will improve the flow of your writing. Making more use of the comma would also help in this regard. Other errors, such as typos, should also be fixed with an edit of your work. For example, you've mistakenly inserted an "s" instead of the letter "a" in the phrase "is s blessing in disguise.""

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