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My Dream of Becoming an Elementary School Teacher

In this personal essay for an application, the student describes their motivation to become an elementary school teacher. The student explains their belief that teaching is a calling to help young students by creating a positive environment.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This is off to a great start, and the reader really gets to know your voice and personality over the pages. The first two paragraphs each feel like they could be opening paragraphs -- have your considered fusing them together? Another option might be to use the second paragraph as the first paragraph and break up and use elements of the current first paragraph at relevant moments elsewhere. The goal would be to create a more immediate opening with a pace and movement that carries the reader straight into the body of the essay.

I encourage you to keep honing the essay with an eye toward purpose. For example, consider boiling down the end of the second paragraph if this piece of writing will be accompanied by any other material (CV, transcripts): "As a straight-A student, I performed well on standardized texts like the ACT and set academic goals that I reached by developing proper study skills along the way." By using a focused, succinct single sentence, you can use the reflective writing to instead tell your reader the things that scores and grades can't communicate."

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