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My Experience Growing Up in Africa

This is an essay in which the author reflects on their experience growing up in Africa. The author's parents moved to America and left the children with various friends and relatives. The author and their brother had a very unstable life that was filled with verbal and physical abuse until they were able to move to America.
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4
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1,484
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jenn's feedback:

"You did a great job using descriptive words that communicate your experience to your readers. These words also communicate the purpose of your paper well. While you were able to draw readers into your experience and communicate the intensity of it, there are things that you can do to further communicate the intensity. First, consider removing any language that is apologetic. If you do not want to talk about something, omit it. If you want to include something, do not apologize for including it. You hinting at things you are unwilling to elaborate on also leaves readers with questions in their mind that they want answers to. The reader will leave your paper feeling more satisfied without these hints. There are a couple of areas of your paper where you have not presented events in chronological order. Read through and make an effort to move these areas around to reduce reader confusion. There are a large number of grammar and punctuation errors that are also leading to some comprehension issues. Make sure that your paper goes through a round of proofreading to resolve these types of issues."

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