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My Family Taught Me to Work Hard and Love Golf

In this scholarship essay, a student explains how she eventually grew to enjoy playing golf but spent a long time going through the motions with the sport simply because her sisters were also golfers. The student reflects on how her family’s support has led to her success in the sport.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You provide a refreshing personal story since you’re willing to talk about how it took time for you to enjoy playing golf and put forth your best effort to succeed in the sport. However, it would be a good idea to mention in your essay what you’re hoping to use the scholarship money for or how the financial support will help you in pursuing your goals. From an organizational point of view, your essay would be much easier to read if you broke it down into multiple paragraphs. At the moment, there are no ideal places for the reader to pause and reflect on your content. The phrase “was succumbed” needs revision, and in academic writing, the ordinal number suffix (e.g., “-th” in “8th") is not superscripted."

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