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My Interest in Finance Makes Me a Good Fit For This Program

This is a statement of interest for a finance program in Berlin, Germany describing reasons why the student pursued finance and why they are driven to study in this program.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

K's feedback:

"This letter is off to a great start. You clearly define your purpose here, and show how your interest in finance has led you to obtain honors and experience in this field. You explain why you think this program and school are the perfect fit for you. To improve this essay, you should include more about your own background and experience and revisit the order and construction of your paragraphs. Some paragraphs could be combined, while others could be moved elsewhere. Consider reviewing your letter and highlighting all similar information in the same color (e.g., your studies in yellow, your goals in green, etc.). This will help you see where your ideas are disconnected or don't necessarily relate so that you can build a better flow. Make sure to edit and proofread before submission, as there are quite a few errors with articles, verb tense, and prepositions."

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