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My Journey as a Softball Player

In this personal narrative essay, the student describes her journey as a softball player. Starting with her first introduction to the sport, the student winds through several defining events that have led to where she is today, starting her last season before heading off to college.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Natalie's feedback:

"Overall, this was a good essay with minor mistakes. You stayed focused on a specific topic, provided details. and crafted a cohesive chronology of events. There are some formatting errors, so I would suggest referencing an MLA style guide, there are several available online. There were also some minor conventional issues, with the one I noticed in particular being the use of passive voice. I would suggest trying to reduce your use of passive voice as much as you can, as this will make your writing look that much more polished. My only other suggestion beyond this would perhaps be to explain some of the terms you're using for those who are unfamiliar with the specificities of softball. With these small fixes, you will have a really great paper!"

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