My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to Brindabella and Back

This personal essay narrates the student's misfortunes on a school fieldtrip. The essay considers the intersection of personal responsibility and the things outside of our control.

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Bridget's feedback:

"Your writing and voice has a lot of personality, and the narrative energy has a lot of appeal, keeping the reader interested and invested. You use great details like the teachers getting everyone organized, the weather (the cold and rain), and the warm milk. Long sentences and stacked clauses can create momentum, but watch out for comma splices and run-on sentences. Read carefully for clarity issues. For example, take a look at the very first and second sentences--right now, they seem to take place at the same time. Give the reader a timestamp to show change over time: for example, "... I was so excited! But by lunchtime, the only thing I wanted was the day to end..." Another area where timing and clarity should be refined is the first sentence of the last paragraph--take it one step at a time: "I did my homework, but I couldn't find it..." doesn't quite make sense.

Finally, I was really struck by your last sentence--you've done such a good job of getting the reader on your side with your voice , it's actually a surprise to learn you see the experience as purely a result of your younger self's irresponsibility. I think a reader will see more nuance--I think something is happening in the narrative between personal responsibility and how sometimes things are beyond our control. The broken glass shows a shift in the "plot", from all the careful preparation that morning to the craziness that happens after."

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In-text citation:

(Kibin, 2025)

Reference list entry:

Kibin. (2025). My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day to brindabella and back. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/my-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day-to-brindabella-and-back-DMqeKBos

Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.

In-text citation:

("My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to Brindabella and Back.")

Works Cited entry:

"My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to Brindabella and Back." Kibin, 2025, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/my-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day-to-brindabella-and-back-DMqeKBos

Footnote:

1. "My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to Brindabella and Back." Kibin, 2025. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/my-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day-to-brindabella-and-back-DMqeKBos.

Bibliography entry:

"My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to Brindabella and Back." Kibin, 2025. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/my-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day-to-brindabella-and-back-DMqeKBos.