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One Girl's Commitment to Education

In this piece of creative writing, a student tells the tale of a girl named Jamalia who wishes to pursue education. The student describes how Jamalia applies herself to her studies even though she is not enrolled in formal education.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You provide many rich descriptions of the setting and scenery in your story, which helps the reader better understand Jamalia's world. Moreover, the narrative as a whole is easy to follow and understand. However, remember that with direct dialogue a new paragraph should be started whenever the speaker changes. Also, some of your statements sound repetitive because of your word choice; when possible, vary your vocabulary so that you don't repeat certain words within a given sentence as you do here: "hustle of the town brings life to this town." When editing the story, special attention should be paid to verb tense issues and comma placement. There are instances where a comma has been inappropriately used and other places where inserting a comma would help clarify a statement. Note that when dialogue ends with an exclamation point or a question mark, no comma should follow to separate the dialogue from the speech tag."

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